use inclusive language

Update configs to use inclusive language. For example:

• current config: database.whitelist, alternative config: database.allowlist
• current config: database.blacklist, alternative config: database.denylist

We removing all references to non-inclusive language in our org and would like to be able to update our debezium configs as well.

[Here is a good article explaining why language matters|https://www.ncsc.gov.uk/blog-post/terminology-its-not-black-and-white].

Thanks!